I think the title of this episode is a pretty accurate depiction of the events throughout the suspenseful hour...here goes nothing...
We first find out that probably the most amazing husband ever - Sandy Cohen, as taken over the Newport Group in light of Kirsten's absence from Newport. Let alone the stress from that, he now also has Ryan at home and suggests that he spend some time away from Marissa. Ryan, completely appaled shrugs off this suggestion but little does he know that just around the corner, Julie has the same intentions for Marissa. She also explains that her great news of the day, Julie Cooper style, is that Marissa has been accepted into the same boarding school as her sister Caitlin. When Marissa refuses, Julie finds her good intentions to keep the family together charming yet agrees not to bother her, only if she stops seeing Ryan.
While Julie is coercing Marissa into deception, Jimmy goes to the Cohen's to apologize to Sandy for all of the events over the past few weeks...but obviously Julie has been rubbing off on him because he has selfish intentions as well. Jimmy is nervous about the timing of the reading of Caleb's will because if you remember he's in limbo with loans himself.
Back at Harbor, somewhere we haven't seen in awhile, the Dean finds Seth and Summer and encourages them to show some school spirit to keep them on the good side...perhaps stage hands? Little does he know what chaos Summer and Seth can actually create.
Jimmy meets Julie for dinner and insists that the wedding should be pushed up...to the end of the week - I dont know if anyone picked up on this but it also happens to be the day after the will is to be read. I think this is the farthest from coincidence and actually Jimmy is in this marriage not only because he loves Julie, but the possibility of a big break also. At dinner Julie also suggests not only a honeymoon in Hawaii, but a permanent residence and fresh start for the family. As soon as Julie gets home she tells Marissa and as much as she hates to leave Ryan, a chance to get her family finally together seems unatainable anywhere else.
When Ryan finds out he is completely beside himself, until Seth's insight makes him realize that he can try to convince Sandy to let Marissa move in with them. An ecstatic Ryan goes to tell Marissa but she is hesitant and insists that this could be a chance for her to start clean also. Ryan is heart broken but wants to spend the last time they have together the best way they can.
After much hesitation Kirsten returns home for the reading of the will. We find out that Caleb intented to split everything evenly between Julie and Kirsten, however one problem...all of his debt finally caught up with him and he is BROKE!!! At this point it left all my roomates wondering who was actually most in shock, Julie, Kirsten, or Jimmy who was relying on this money the most. Seth and Summer are meanwhile stealing the set from the school play and creating a real life paradise for Ryan and Marissa.
Later that night, Ryan takes Marissa to her paradise where Marissa insists she is "ready to do this" and I'll let everyone's imaginations wonder from there.
On the other side of town, on the way to the boat Jimmy is met by the man he loaned money from and taken away in a Suburban. We next see three men taking Jimmy to the water and continuously beating him up, the last we see of Jimmy before commerical is his body floating in the water...of course everyone thinks he is dead - but we are fooled once again.
Kirsten is missing since the reading of the will when all her father left her was a letter. She has her driver take her to the liquor store where she purchases a bottle of vodka and then goes to a sleezy motel and spends the night just staring at the bottle.
Marissa wakes up in Ryan's arms to a phone call from her father requesting her to immediately go to the boat. She goes and sees that he is beat up and he explains that once again he has gotten into trouble and needs to leave. Marissa understands and lets him go, with one request - that he never come back. Jimmy agrees and gives Marissa's the wedding ring intended for Julie. Marissa immediately goes to the church and gives the ring to her mom and finally they clinge to each other crying because Julie realizes she has nothing left but Marissa.
Seth and Summer return the stolen stage props to the school and just after Summer retreats to the car to get the rest, when the Dean walks in and threatens Seth with in school detention if he doesnt give up his accomplis. Seth refuses to and the Dean therefore gives him two weeks, but this is an action that proves to Summer that Seth really cares.
In the end, Kirsten returns home to big hugs from the whole family and they recap everything going on in Newport and witty Sandy responds "that's why I love this place, nothing ever happens" - i think that was the best quote of the night!
Let me know what you guys thought of everything and what might be in store for next week!!